I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
