You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
