I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize