I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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