I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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