the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
