And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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