the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
