Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
