Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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