smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
