Did you just see the Batmobile???
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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