You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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