I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
