is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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