Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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