Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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