so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
