The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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