in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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