Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
