i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
