Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
