Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
