I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
