I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
