You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
