while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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