I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
