maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
