i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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