I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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