i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
