I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
