My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So vagazzling was a success
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
