ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
4 words: hood of his car
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
