it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
