you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize