Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
