wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
