Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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