Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
