I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
