it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
