ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
