in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
