It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
