you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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