yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
tell me about the eggs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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