I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's just like the Real World with babies
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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