Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
