THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
