NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
