my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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