That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize