im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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