After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
