Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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