im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
