my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
