Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Can Purell be used as lube?

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Since when is my name a synonym for head?

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(631): View more from New York

we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

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(239): View more from Florida

I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

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(850): View more from Florida

Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips

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(210): View more from Texas

just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE

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