I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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