She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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