Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
