I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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