So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
