Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
