dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
