My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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